Haru's Fruits Basket
by Chaos Valkyrie
Summary: It really just isn't Kyo's day when Haru Yoshioka interrupts yet another fight with Yuki, with messy results.


**Haru's Fruits Basket  
****Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** July 18, 2005  
**Posted One-Shot:** December 23, 2005  
**Posted Revisions:** July 16, 2009

**Disclaimer:** Um… own nothing. Period. No Fruits Basket, no The Cat Returns.

**Author's Note:** I was actually working on a lesson plan for "The Villain's Guide to Evil Stuff" and was thinking about the grouping of girls-who-love-orange-cats (Kagura, Haru… etc). And so, of course, thinking of Baron led to thinking about Kyo, and on from there… and hence, a one-shot. It's really just not Kyo's day…

* * *

Haru ran through the crowds at the Crossroads – she was late to meet Hiromi for a full day of shopping, and was in quite a rush. She put on an extra burst of speed and dodged down an alleyway shortcut that would come out exactly ten feet from their usual meeting place…

"Damn rat! I will defeat you!" she heard someone yell up ahead. She couldn't see anyone yet; they must be around the corner.

"Oh, that's original, I haven't heard that before," a smooth voice answered. "Stupid cat."

"That's it!" she heard as she pelted forward. She was going too fast, and saw the red-haired boy looming before her as she barreled around the corner. She slammed into him just as he turned wide eyes towards her…

POOF.

"Oh no," sighed the other boy.

Haru almost screamed as she tripped over something at her feet. '_I must've knocked him clean over_,' was her quick thought as her forward momentum threw her straight into the other boy. His violet eyes widened…

POOF.

Haru barely caught herself before she could crash into a trash can. She choked, coughing as she waved her hands to clear the smoke in front of her eyes…

"Now look what you've done, you stupid cat!" Haru blinked. Was that a… _rat_ talking? She must be delusional.

"YOU DAMN RAT! This isn't _my_ fault." Oh no… now the bright orange cat was talking.

"Um, excuse me?" Haru interrupted, and the two animals turned shocked eyes towards her.

"Oh no. I thought you were Tohru! There can't be two people as clumsy as she is!" the cat hissed, his fur standing on end. The rat lowered his head, shaking it at the cat's stupidity.

Several things clicked into place simultaneously. "Clumsy?!" Haru's eyes narrowed, then widened as the second thought hit home. "Oh no! You must've been cursed by the Cat Kingdom too!" Both animals looked puzzled, eyeing each other. "I'll take you to Baron; he'll know what to do!" she cried, grabbing both the cat and rat before they could escape.

"What the heck is going on?" Kyo mumbled as he tried to struggle his way free.

Yuki sighed. "I have no idea, but it's all your fault, as usual, you stupid cat," he muttered as the girl frantically ran back out of the alleyway.

"Hi Hiromi! Bye Hiromi! Call you later," Haru gasped as she passed her friend. Hiromi blinked.

"Haru?" she asked thin air.

Meanwhile, Haru had reached the café, but much to her dismay, there was no Muta to be seen.

"What'll I do?" she cried, eliciting stares from passer-bys. Unconsciously, her grip tightened as she fought down the overwhelming urge to panic.

"Can't… breathe…" she heard the rat gasp.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" she cried, loosening her grip. As the cat and rat gasped for air, her eyes caught sight of a familiar street…

"Now I remember! We went this way!" she cried, running down the street and into the alleys again. Yuki rolled his eyes while Kyo cursed quietly to himself about stupid girls.

Haru dashed through the back streets, sighing with relief as she finally spotted the archway that lead to the Bureau. She ran through the archway just as the sun began to set…

"Muta! There you are!" she laughed. The fat white cat merely glanced over his paper at her.

"You want something, kiddo?" he asked. His ears twitched as he noticed her passengers. "So, you finally found another orange cat to replace the Baron, huh kid?" he asked with an evil grin.

Haru blushed, immediately dropping Yuki and Kyo.

"Ouch!" they both protested.

"No, it's not like that –" Haru began. The ensuing light show, however, interrupted her.

"Damn it, Baron, I said turn it off!" Muta roared. Once the lights had faded, he muttered "Show-off" to himself before refolding his paper neatly and standing.

"Um, Yuki, why haven't we changed back yet?" Kyo asked from his position at Haru's feet.

Yuki gave him a withering glance. "I don't know why, but it's most likely your fault."

Kyo bristled. "YOU DAMN RAT! I'LL – "

"Ahem. Might I be of some service to you gentlemen?" a crisp British accent asked them. Both Yuki and Kyo paused their fight to stare at the creature before them.

"He-Hello, Baron," Haru said, blushing. The Baron smiled up at her.

"Good evening, Miss Haru. I trust that you have been doing well? You're certainly looking as lovely as ever," the cat figurine added warmly.

"Yes," Haru replied, blushing still deeper. An impatient cough from the region of Haru's ankle stopped the flirtation rather abruptly. Haru glanced down and met two rather irate pairs of eyes.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, suddenly remembering. Yuki and Kyo looked at each other and shook their heads. "That's right! Baron, I was running to meet Hiromi when I accidentally bumped into these two boys, and they both turned into animals! Do you think they could've been cursed by the Cat Kingdom?"

The Baron eyed Yuki and Kyo speculatively. "It is a possibility…"

"Now wait just a second!" Kyo exclaimed. However, he was rudely interrupted yet again by an annoyingly nasal voice...

"Baron!" Natoru voice exclaimed. "You must help me! The Cat King's retirement banquet is tonight, and I just can't think of anything to cheer him up!" Natoru hopped out of a vortex right next to Haru. "Oh! Hello Miss Haru!" he chirped, completely oblivious to the stony stare she was giving him.

Baron sighed. "Well, Natoru, have you thought about some sort of gift?"

Natoru shook his head anxiously. "Everyone's already gotten him mice and fish and catnip and cattails and a new golf set and…" he trailed off. Everyone turned to see that he was staring straight at Yuki, who in turn sweatdropped.

"But no one's given him a giant rat yet! Thanks Baron!" Natoru did a little jig, then grabbed Yuki and pulled him into the vortex!

"Natoru, wait!" Baron cried, but it was too late.

"Quick, after him!" Haru cried, running towards the vortex. Kyo leapt through with Baron, while Muta and Toto (who had transformed while no one was watching) brought up the rear. The vortex closed with a Pop! behind them.

Kyo groaned. "Where are we?" he asked, sniffing the air about him. Then he got a silly look on his face. "What's that smell?" he asked dreamily. Without waiting for an answer, he began rolling around on the ground, purring.

Muta shook his head. "You'd think he never smelled catnip before," he sighed.

Baron helped Haru to her feet. "Now, don't forget, Haru…"

"Believe in myself!" Haru exclaimed, still very much a human (albeit cat-sized). "How could I forget anything you'd tell me, Baron," she replied, batting her eye lashes. The Baron smirked.

"Ahem!" Muta interrupted, nodding his head towards the oblivious Kyo. Toto merely cackled nearby.

"Oh! Yes!" Baron exclaimed, while Haru blushed behind him. Baron walked over and tugged Kyo to his feet, slapping him across the face. "Snap out of it – Oof!" Kyo had kicked Baron by reflex.

"Baron!" Haru cried, rushing to the fallen figurine's side. Muta snorted.

Kyo rubbed his head in embarrassment. "Was I just…" he trailed off as a smirking Muta and Toto nodded. "And did I just…" he motioned towards Baron. The cat and crow nodded again. Kyo started vein-popping. "If any of you tell the rat about this…" he snarled threateningly.

"Oh! The rat! Quick, we've got to save him!" Haru cried, helping Baron to his feet.

Baron sighed. "Yes, off to the palace! Toto!" Baron pulled Haru into his arms and leapt onto Toto's back, followed closely by Kyo. Toto took off, dodging and then smirking at the Splat! on the ground below.

"You damn chicken!" Muta snarled as Toto dove towards him. Grabbing the fat white cat by the scruff of his neck, he flew off towards the castle.

"Careful, fatso, or I might drop you," he taunted. Cats eyed them curiously, and in Toto's particular case, rather hungrily as they flew overhead.

Meanwhile, the Baron was questioning the irritated orange cat.

"Do you remember how you became cursed?" he asked as the palace loomed ever closer.

"It's the Zodiac curse!" Kyo cried exasperatedly. "Whenever a girl hugs us or runs into us, we transform into whatever animal of the Zodiac we represent! Then after a few minutes, we transform back!"

Haru looked confused. "Then why haven't you yet?"

"Because you kept hugging us!" he snarled at her, causing Haru to blush yet again.

"Oops…"

Baron frowned. "And I suppose the magic of the Sanctuary and the Cat Kingdom is keeping the transformation in place now…" he said thoughtfully.

"Meaning… what?" Kyo asked.

"Meaning that when you leave this Kingdom, you should transform back into your human form," Baron replied.

"Oh Baron! You're so smart!" Haru exclaimed.

Toto and Muta snickered. Kyo was so disgusted he wanted to hack up a hairball.

* * *

Meanwhile, inside the palace, Yuki was glaring at Natoru through the air holes of the rather large gift-box he'd been shoved into. He was sitting in one of many gift boxes surrounding a black fluffy cat with strange eyes. The Cat King, as he determined him to be, looked rather evilly cheerful as he opened yet another gift.

"Oh my! A new nine-iron! That's meow-riffic!" he exclaimed, and Yuki rolled his eyes inside the box. "Next present!"

Yuki felt his box shifted forward, and he sweatdropped as the Cat King began to untie the bow…

"Natoru!" a stern voice called. Yuki peered through another air hole as the Cat King finished pulling off the ribbon. He pushed the lid off the top of the box and leaned out.

"This has got to be the first time I've been glad to see you, stupid cat," he smirked as Kyo and the others marched towards the front of the room. Climbing out of the box, Yuki then realized that everyone else had gone deadly silent. Looking around, he noticed that the many cats in the room were eyeing him thoughtfully, and to be honest, rather hungrily. He gulped as they started to close in…

A vein started to pulse in Kyo's forehead. "Hey! If anyone's going to beat that damn rat, its gonna be me!" Kyo yelled, moving to place himself between Yuki and the approaching felines. The irony struck them both at the same instant.

"Did you just… _defend_ me?" Yuki asked disbelieving.

Kyo glowered. "Tell Shigure of this, and I'll…"

"You'll what, beat me?" Yuki retorted.

Kyo paused. "Um… I'll tell Tohru you're in love with her!!"

Yuki's pretty purple eyes widened. "You're in love with her too, moron!"

"Ahem, gentlemen," Baron began nervously.

"What?! I'm fighting the rat right now, got it?!" Kyo exclaimed. Meanwhile, Yuki's attention had returned to the other felines in the room.

"Um, Kyo, maybe now is not the time…" he trailed off, backing slowly away from the crowd of hungry felines. Kyo looked, noticing their wild-eyed stares.

"Maybe you're right… damn rat," he added as an afterthought. They bolted out the doorway, with Haru, Baron, and Muta closed behind.

Toto hovered outside, and the rescuers and rescued came to a grinding halt as they noticed the sea of cats underneath him.

"Damn it! The bird led the other ones here!" Kyo cursed. Just then, the outside cats noticed Yuki.

Yuki gulped. "That's it, I'm dinner!" he exclaimed, losing his cool exterior as panic set in. He looked wildly about at the cats closing in both before and behind, then at the helpless looking Baron, then at Kyo, then the lake, then Kyo, then the lake, then…

Inspiration struck. "Stupid cat, you may be useful after all!" he cried, grabbing Kyo's cat-sized bracelet before shoving him into the lake. Muta shook his head.

"How's that going to help…" he trailed off as Kyo resurfaced.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU DAMNED RAT!" Kyo howled from his cursed form, leaping onto the drawbridge. Everyone else gasped and began to back away.

"Look, kill me later," Yuki grinned. "Let's just get out of here, all right?"

Kyo snarled. "Fine. Then I'll beat you once and for all!" he growled. "Which way is out?" he spat at Baron, who adjusted his gloves nervously while shielding Haru.

"At the top of the tower over there," he answered calmly, pointing towards the maze. Kyo huffed, grabbing Yuki and barreling towards the maze.

Haru beamed at Baron as the Zodiac pair rushed off. "Oh Baron, you're so brave," she cried, hugging him.

Baron blushed as the other cats snickered behind him.

* * *

"Where are we now?" Yuki asked, looking around. They were both in a back alley somewhere in the city.

"Who cares!" Kyo exclaimed. "Just as long as we're away from that stupid girl! Now I'll beat you, you damned –"

But he never got to finish, as they both Poofed! back into their human forms.

"Damn it! I'll never beat that damn rat!" Kyo moaned, hanging his head. Yuki coughed.

"That's not exactly the pressing issue right now," he sighed. Kyo raised his head, comprehension dawning as a cool breeze brushed past…

"Stupid cat, did you just now realize that we're naked?" Yuki shook his head.

* * *

The crowd of people in the Crossroads all stopped as one at the howl of frustration that reverberated through the air.

"Kyo?" Tohru paused, looking up from her tea. "Hm, I guess that means he and Yuki are on their way," she added cheerfully. "So you were saying?" she asked her companion.

Hiromi grinned. "Well that takes care of your friends. Now, as for Haru…"

* * *

The End.

* * *

**End Notes:** Actually, I've never been too clear on how Kyo turns into his cursed form – I always thought it had something to do with the rain and lack of beads. In any case, I had Yuki steal the bracelet (he presumably gives it back after they leave the Kingdom) and shove him in the lake – just cuz. Anyhow, this works for me! I actually have thought of some other little one-shot crossovers, so look for those! The next one involves Fruits Basket and InuYasha… mwahaha.


End file.
